i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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