Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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