He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Shame is for Republicans.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
