summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
