Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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