Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
