I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
