last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
