She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
