That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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