she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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