we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
