Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
