don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
