I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
