One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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