if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
