Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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