Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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