Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
