He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
