I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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