everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
