k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
