dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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