i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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