Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
