If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm passing your future prison.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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