It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
