i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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