We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
