she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
