So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
