strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
