My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
