It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
