i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
