i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
