I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
