mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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