So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need to align my fucking chakras
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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