Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
