Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone came in the potted fern
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
