i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
