so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
