just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
