If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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