failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
