I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
