do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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