You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
