haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
where are my eyebrows?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
