I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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