If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
