no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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