just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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