You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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